I skipped making a blog post yesterday on the gratitude challenge because I really wasn’t quite sure what to write.  I was just thinking I’d be repeating myself, which is fine if I’m drunk!  haha  So I just let it go.

The assignment was to write about the challenge thus far and how it has changed my perspective.  This entire year, starting Jan. 1, I’ve been writing in a gratitude journal, so this challenge wasn’t really new to me.  What was new and why I wanted to take the challenge was because I wanted to blog about it everyday, and be accountable to you.

I would have to say that my perspective is always positive, so the challenge hasn’t necessarily changed my perspective about anything.  BUT, and here’s where it gets interesting…

There were 3 times yesterday where out of the blue, just at totally random times I would feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and appreciation.  I had this amazing feeling of just how awesome my life is.  It was an energy that came over me that made me feel high, so to speak.  The buzz didn’t last a real long time or anything, but it did keep me going for a while.

I’m so thankful for that feeling because I know that appreciation is an energetic feeling that vibrates at a really high frequency and when we can align energetically to this high frequency we are really connected to all that we are.  (If you are totally confused, read this post)  And, I know that the more we feel good (which gratitude and appreciation make us feel that way) the more good will come our way!

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One of the things I’ve learned, and still practice, in yoga is to be nonreactive.  As I practice breathing, relaxing, and letting go while my shoulders are burning and my thigh is yelling at me, I become aware that my mind is more calm and I get a sense of ease, strength, and peace.  It can be so easy to have a negative reaction when the teacher calls out a pose I don’t like, or when a sub walks in that I wasn’t expecting, but all that does is make the situation worse.  If I change my reaction to these things and make them more positive, or don’t react at all then my outcome is way better.

You choose how you want to respond.

As I take what I’ve learned on my yoga mat and apply it to real life, I realize that everything we experience (good or bad) is because of our reaction or response to it.  This same nonreactive principal that I’ve learned in yoga can also be applied to our life.  Jack Canfield has a formula that he teaches:

E + R = O  (Events + Responses = Outcome)

The idea is that everything you experience is because of how you responded to an earlier event in your life.  If you aren’t enjoying the outcomes that you are experiencing right now, there are basically two choices you can make.

1.  You can blame the event for the outcome.

There’s a ton of external factors that we can blame.  We can blame the economy for not having a job.  We can blame our boss or our clients for having a bad day.  We can blame the rain for not working out.  We can blame our lack of money for not starting our dream business.  We can blame a lack of time for eating fast food.  Excuses.  Excuses.  Excuses.

We’ve all done this right?  I know I have.  Going back to yoga…I was in a workshop last week and I noticed I was making excuses for why I wasn’t getting into a pose.

There’s no doubt that these blame factors exist, but it’s up to us to overcome them.  There are tons of people who are still employed and very successful.  I see people out walking in the rain all the time.  For every impossible thought we have, there are many out there that think it is possible.

OR

2.  You can change your responses to the events until you get the outcomes you want.

Can we respond differently to the events that happen?  If we get fired, maybe we take the time to educate ourselves and learn a new skill.  If the boss is being a hard ass, maybe we have some compassion for him rather than gossiping with other coworkers about how awful he is.  He may be having a lot of personal issues at home, or had a father that was hard on him.

We can change our thinking, the way we communicate, and our behavior because really that’s all that we have control over anyway.  We don’t necessarily have control over any extremal event.  All we have control over is our responses to them!

We tend to get stuck in our habits and the way we respond  to our children, our spouses, the traffic, and our bosses.  So we must gain control of our thoughts, our behavior, the images we hold in our head, and our dreams.

We need to know what we want, and then everything we think, say, and do needs to align with our goals, our intentions, and our values.

In the words of Jack Canfield: If we all experience the same EVENT, the OUTCOME you get will be totally dependent upon your RESPONSE to the situation.

If you don’t like your outcomes, you must change your responses.  It’s that simple!

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Do you worry about things all the time?  Do you fret over everything?  Do you think of the worse possible scenarios?  If so, do you realize that worrying is just your imagination creating something that you don’t want?

I catch myself worrying about the craziest, most ridiculous stuff!  Actually, it’s not really worrying that I do so much, but I’ll just have crazy ideas pop in my head.  For instance, almost every time I drive over a train track I think, for just a brief moment, what if a train comes barreling down and slams into me.  Or if I’m driving behind a truck that has a ladder or something sticking off the back I might think what if that ladder slides off the truck and goes right into my windshield and nails me in the face.  Basically, I just think of freak accidents happening to me &/or my family.  It’s so weird.  I hate it.

Like I said, worrying is just the imagination creating scenarios that you don’t want!  So, when I have these wild thoughts I immediately catch myself doing it and I snap out of it.  “Only good things come to me” is one of my mantras!

Being a firm believer in the Law of Attraction, I understand that thinking about things I don’t want only brings those unwanted things to me.  So I stop in my tracks (not on the train tracks – haha) and I think about what I want.  I only want good things to come to me.  And honestly…only good things do come to me.

If you worry a lot all you’re doing is imagining things happening that you don’t want to happen.  With all that energy focused on those unwanted things, you’re likely to manifest what you don’t want.  Then you get this scenario that you don’t want and it causes more worry.  More worry, creates more worry.  It’s a vicious circle!

The good news is that this works in the opposite way as well.  The less you worry, the less stuff you have to worry about.

The worrying has to stop.  Seriously.  If you think about it, most of the things you worry about don’t ever happen anyway so what’s the point?  It’s wasted energy.  It’s puts you in a funk, and it causes stress.  And I won’t even get on the topic of what stress does to you!!  Worry cannot change your circumstance, it only enhances it.

So here’s the deal.  Next time you start to worry, notice what you’re doing, and immediately stop.  Give yourself a mantra or affirmation.  They’re extremely powerful.

Only good things come to me.

I choose to let go and allow goodness.

I am safe.

I choose to let go of things I have no control over.

I trust that everything will work out.

At first you may be saying these things as you’re rolling your eyes, but eventually you start to believe it.  When you start to believe it, you start to have faith that everything will work out.  That faith is what allows you to stop worrying.

**Side note: I sell charms that help you to remember your affirmation.  They work beautifully.  Click here.**

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As I’ve gone through my spiritual journey (and still on it!) I’ve learned so much.  Early on, though, there’s one thing I learned from a book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Agreements that really changed my life.  Actually, his entire book changed my life, but one the the agreements, in particular, made my life easier!

DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

“Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

This is a HUGE statement!

Have you ever tried to do something only to have someone tell you what a terrible idea it is?  Have you ever been cussed at and wondered what the *%$? you did?  When you begin to understand that it’s not personal, you begin to have less stress in your life, and like the book says, you begin to suffer less.

I remember when my husband and I were just dating and he told me he “needed some space”.  What?  Really?  That freaked me out.  I took it so personally.  I would sit and stress about what I did wrong, and I truly suffered over it.  I felt awful.  Now, looking back on it, it had absolutely nothing to do with me.  He was going through whatever he was going through and it wasn’t about me at all.

It’s so refreshing to know that whatever someone says or does is not about you.  That person may be having a bad day and take it out on you, but if you know that it’s not you, it’s them, then it makes your life so much easier.  What that person most likely needs is compassion, rather than you yelling back, getting defensive, or copping an attitude.

I know this is easier said than done, so here’s a few tips to help you let it go and show compassion.

1.  You are inherently a good person, so have confidence.  What others say to you or about you does NOT define who you are!

2.  Take a few deep breaths before responding or reacting.  This will give you a few moments to relax and get grounded.  And, in that time the other person may cool down a bit too.

3.  Ignore the situation.  If you stay positive and don’t give attention to what the other person is saying or doing, this may actually help that person, and it’ll no doubt help you.

4.  Realize that the person may be exhausted, pressured, or just immature so what they really need is your help, advice, or a shoulder.

So the next time you’re feeling sensivite, just remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” When you take things personally, you’re allowing someone else’s opinion of you be more important than the opinion of yourself.  What you think and believe about yourself is so important.  You are worthy.  You are love.  You deserve the best.  So don’t take anything personally!!

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Awareness – I love this word.  For me it’s what has changed my life.  Well, not that my life has changed so much necessarily, but how I look at my life has changed.  Well okay, maybe it has changed my life!

Awareness has made me see things more clearly.  It’s the awareness I have of my breath and the awareness of what’s going on in my head that has given me the freedom to live easy.  It’s awareness that has given me the freedom to live stress free.  Yes, I said it…stress free!  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect.  I do have moments of stress, but it’s just for a moment.  When I become aware that I’m stressing, I stop.  I realize what’s going on in my head (I’m making up crazy scenarios of what I think is going to happen but never does), and then I decide what to do.  I can either keep freaking out, or I can change my thoughts to more positive ones.  I can choose to shift my thoughts so I relax.  For example, I think about the love I have for my kids or all the things I have to be grateful for.   However, if the situation that is stressing me out has a really strong pull on me (I’m sure there’s lots of that going on in this “bad” economy…that’s another blog topic!), and I can only think of my loving kids for so long (haha) then what I do is I keep coming back – coming back to my breath, coming back to my happy thoughts, coming back to my awareness.  Eventually, you realize that the stressful situation is either out of your control or something that you can act on (when the time is right).  BUT, either way you must become aware of how that stress has a hold of you (how are you reacting to it?).

If it’s something that is out of your control, then that’s just it.  You become aware of that fact and then you let it go.  If it’s something that you can act on, then staying aware will keep you in your positive thoughts (if that’s what you choose).  Those positive thoughts are crucial because that’s what will give you the inspiration for your actions.

There’s also an awareness of how you feel.  Physically, you become aware of how your body feels (this is where I plug my yoga classes).  My body holds a lot less tension because I’m aware when I have my shoulders scrunched up to my ears, or when I’ve got worry wrinkles on my forehead.  But then there’s also this awareness of how you feel emotionally.  When you get down to it, there’s really only two emotions, good or bad.  So if you can always get back to feeling good (positive thoughts feel good), your life becomes easier.  Believe it or not, life really is simple!  It really is easy!  It really can be stress free!

It just takes practice.  Awareness takes practice!  It’s a continual remembering to be aware.  So the more you practice being aware, the more you remember to do it.  The more you remember to do it, the more it becomes a part of your life.  The more it becomes a part of your life, the better your life becomes.

If you want to live a stress free life like I do, awareness is one of your best friends!

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I love it because little kids are absolutely living in the present moment, you can learn so much from them, and them from you (be careful of this one!!).

Since little ones don’t understand time, they have no stress and are always happy (as long as all their needs are met!).  They are totally playing in the moment – living in the moment.  My kids play well by themselves (fortunately!), but I’ve noticed that if they need my attention I can either completely give it to them or I can be there but have my mind elsewhere.  If my mind is on something else I’ve noticed that they need me longer.  If I am there for them completely, in the present moment with them, then the amount of time they “need” me is less.  If I’ve got things to do around the house, jewelry to make, or a blog to write I am able to get those things done if I just spend a little quality time with them.  It makes them happy, I feel great, and in turn I’m more productive.  It’s such a relief for me too because in that moment there’s absolutely nothing lacking…I have no stress and life is perfect!

Lately, my sweet Max (he’s 3) has been teaching me to let go.  His new saying is “but it’s okay”.

“Max, you’ve got food all over your face.” – “yeah, but it’s okay!”

As he’s hitting his brother with a stuffed animal (Miles is mildly laughing) – “Mommy, it’s okay”.

We’re running late for school – “but it’s okay!”

And what’s really cool is that as soon as he says that, I relax and say you’re right IT IS OKAY.  Sometimes we get so caught up in looking perfect, always doing things right, and everything being a certain way but does it really matter?  Can we just let go and have fun?  Because ultimately, it is okay!

Kids watch, learn, and sense our energy too.  The more rushed I am to get out of the house, the more uncooperative they are.  If I’m relaxed and calmly explain how we need to leave immediately, they listen and work with me.  The way I do something, they do too.  For example, I always rinse off the tooth brush and tap the brush on the counter before putting it up.  Max does this too, and can point out that his Daddy doesn’t.

I also came to the realization that Max got his new expression (it’s okay) from me.  I say it quite a bit – like if he drops his food, or can’t find a toy.  So it comes full circle!  I’m teaching him that it’s okay and he’s teaching me the same.  How awesome is that?

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